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  • Pay Per Chick; Targeting Conversions, Not Impressions

    Its Friday afternoon, no one’s blogged on here for a while and I’ve been asked to step up to the plate without mentioning SpyFu! I should’ve been thinking of what to post for a few days now but I’m afraid I’ve been a bit distracted…

    So, I’m sitting in a bar with a nice cool pint. I lean back in my chair and look around; what do I see?

    That guy over there, he’s got one friend opposite him but he’s talking so the whole room can hear.”He’s not targeting his efforts” I think to myself, “expensive strategy but I guess he’s making a lot of impressions. I suppose his CTR can be quite low and he can still have a lot of success.” At this point I realise that AdWords has ruined my life but I can’t stop myself…

    Thin skinny guy, black coat, black hair, band t-shirt. Leaning against the bar, nearly finished his drink. Looks like he’s watching the girls in the booth by the window.But he’s too slow, they’re leaving. Hang on, they’re not, some of them are just going to the toilet. But not all of them. Black haired guy finishes his drink and walks nervously over. There are two girls left, one them’s wearing a band t-shirt. I can’t hear what he says but I think “That’s more like it. He’s targeting his market”

    Now who’s that? One guy, group of girls. The leggy blond doesn’t look particularly interested but one of her friends is flicking her hair and touching his arm. The guy is slowly ignoring the rest of the group and turning to face her. “Bidding too low” I remark, “he can’t keep his position with blondie.” Then I give him the benefit of the doubt; “placement targeting; he knows what converts best for him.”

    Back to the skinny guy. He’s sitting on his own now; “high bounce rate?” I think as he gets up to go to the bar. But maybe not; band girl is coming out of the toilets, she looks at the booth where her friends are and then scans the rest of the bar. “Rookie error, he should’ve 301′d to his new location.” The girl pauses, lonely by the toilet door but not for long; “Are you looking for someone?” I hear. “Is that bidding on a competitors keyword?” I think. Skinny guy comes back around the bar with two drinks, his new friend smiles and walks over. “Brand recognition in action. And he gave her an incentive for a repeat visit.”

    I see my own date in the door so I stand up and wave. I’m unusually tall, so my ad copy stands out from the crowd. I know she like this place, one of her friends told me, I hope just being here is good enough landing page optimisation. How forward should I be? Calls to action are good right? Perhaps it is at this point that my analogy breaks down, I don’t want to be too forward. Still, I hope I get a conversion.


    18 Responses to “Pay Per Chick; Targeting Conversions, Not Impressions”

    1. eloi says:

      Wow I loved that post :D
      I actually think like that nowadays, it’s ridiculous. I also apply PPC logic to poker, it works a treat! i ll make a blog out of it :D
      Congrats guys

    2. Adi says:

      Did your landing page convert into repeat business?

    3. andymurd says:

      I have a horrible mental image of a bunch of guys huddled in the corner of the bar wearing black hats. A girls walks in, alone and looking nervous. One blackhat tells the waiter to send a drink over to her.

      She takes the drink and smiles at the guy who sent it. Seeing his cue, blackhat swirls his cloak around him and goes over to talk. She takes a sip of the drink he bought, but wait, the drink is just water!

      The other blackhats shout in unison “VIAGRA!!”

    4. Mark says:

      Hehe. Very good.

      Don’t forget to practice safe conversions though ;)

    5. condom girl says:

      I love the analogy: why does everything come down to pass on our genes :-) Or at least practising that methodology (one of my favourite pass times). Perhaps we can turn it on its head and evaluate PPC situations based on complex human dating rituals – I’m sure there is a anthropological/economics white paper in there somewhere!

    6. Dev Basu says:

      Hey as long as you use negative keywords to keep the riff raff out, it’s all good. Oh and as said above, please practice safe conversions.

    7. Joshua Sciarrino says:

      Haha. Amazing. Totally right on. Great analogy. Did he convert? ahah. jk. jk

    8. Gab Goldenberg says:

      That was a classic!

    9. David Temple says:

      Good job, really entertaining and I do need entertained these days. Hope you got your conversion on.

    10. Wow, loads of comments. I’m going to have to try and reply to them all at once.

      Eloi: You do it for poker, I’ll do it for poke-her :-) Seriously though, let me know when you get your blog post done; I’m not a poker player but I’d like to read it.

      Adi: Repeat Business? I think she was put off by me displaying the Google Site Stats logo. Said it “freaked her out.” Not sure what to do about this one since I don’t have my own privacy policy.

      Andymurd: Love your comment. Anyone got any other blackhat techniques? Perhaps I can pay an office in India to all tell a girl how awesome I am.

      Condom Girl: I’m not sure your idea of evaluating PPC situations based on dating rituals would work; Google’s reasoning and ways of operating might be a mystery but they’re pretty transparent compared to the average woman.

    11. Jesse Luna says:

      Funny post. It was meant to be funny, right? …

      So if one completely strikes out that would be a 404 error – Female not Found.

      @jesseluna on Twitter

    12. Marc says:

      …not too forward. You don’t want to get hit with the Google slap!

      Great post!

    13. Ciaran says:

      Nice – reminds me of a text conversation between Gareth & Stephen at PubCon last year:

      Gareth: “Bar is quite cool inside. Balcony outside, etc.”
      Stephen: “Sorry mate, you’re selling the features not the benefits, and there’s no call to action. So 0% conversion rate.”

    14. Casieg says:

      This is hilarious! “I’m unusually tall, so my ad copy stands out from the crowd.” I hope you told the girl this…and she loved it ;)

    15. Adam says:

      …Pay Per Chick guys spend all day concerned about seducing by getting clicks, and the more you spend the more it matters that you can seal the deal when they get to your Landing Page. So work on those conversions. :)

      My SEO comparison – be authoritative, get the targeted, free “clicks” that come right to me that I will never have to spend a dime or even ask for. Just takes patience and the time invested. The patience is well worth it when you get your pick from the “Traffic” it brings and then I can focus all my attention on converting those “clicks”. ;-)

      Silly post, a fun read!

    16. Paul Zhao says:

      Wow, great article. Extremely entertaining.

    17. Steve says:

      What a very clever post – you should be getting good click action on that TITLE also.

    18. Nick Skislak says:

      This is great. Nice job.

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