Welcome back to the infamous “Twitter Weekly” attack where I dissect the hype around Twitter like a mad dog on crack. This week I will ridicule the baseless but nevertheless highly popular gossip about Google aiming to buy Twitter.
First off I tell you one thing: Guess what? Google won’t buy Twitter!
I don’t have to disturb Eric Schmidt’s fiancé’s privacy to know that. There are plenty of reasons not buy Twitter, especially if your name is Google. I personally hate those “Gazillion reasons why x will y” postings so I will tell you only a few of them and never disclose the actual number of gazillion reasons.
- Twitter is humongously expensive. Yes, indeed. Twitter has so much vulture capitalist (term coined by Aaron Wall, not me) cash that they are worth more than BP probably by now. Facebook offered 500 million $$$ back in 2008 already and Twitter refused. Last year the were estimated at 1 billion. This year they might be worth a gazillion and a half already!
- Google gulps your teeny weeny tweets already via the so called Twitter firehose. It’s cheaper and less messy. You don’t have to deal with the FTC for getting hacked each other day and such.
- Google has already digested a microblogging service, Jaiku. They needed only 15 months to actually throw it up. Now how effective is that! Google sucks at social like a newborn baby. Google’s performance at microblogging is like BP’s performance at stopping oil leaks. No matter whether they buy a third party service or they do it themselves, any attempt to make a microblogging product that didn’t implode almost instantly is hopeless. Be it Jaiku, Google Wave or Google Buzz. Why? Google consists of mad scientists. Never sleeping geeks playing with life size Lego toys. They are anti-social.
- Google doesn’t need to buy Twitter to enlarge its penis/overcome the competitive advantage of Twitter. They just need a quick and dirty third party service on the cheap which enables Google to better better spy on you and assess tweet reputation and authority. Thus they are far more likely to go on a shopping spree in the already disgruntled Twitter developer community. To me it’s just a question of when and which service will be acquired. I guess they will swallow Topsy. Otherwise it will be TweetMeme or BackType. Those three services have some clue. They might buy bit.ly as well as the guys down there will go bankrupt soon anyways beacuse of t.co and will desperately seek an exit right now.
Now what do you think? Will Google gurgle down Twitter or some other poor souls? Now don’t be shy, I don’t bite.